Romantic manipulation is subtle; as such, it is difficult to notice, especially when emotional involvement overrides the forewarning signals. Generally speaking, manipulators apply methods of psychological domination against partners until the latter feel confused, guilty, or dependent. Being able to recognize signs of manipulation is a great first step toward taking back one’s power and building healthier relationships.
Here are nine behaviors representative of romantic manipulation and how you can safeguard your well-being from the destruction such acts might perpetuate.
1. Gaslighting
This is a form of psychological manipulation in which the manipulator tries to make one doubt what one knows to be real. They can be as overt as flat-out denying events ever happened, distorting reality, to the subtleness of telling you that you are too sensitive or paranoid.
Identification: When one is permanently in doubt whether things happened or never happened, whether after talking to your partner, you feel his or her memory or feelings are wrong, then he may be gaslighting them. You can hear things like “This never happened” or “You just imagine that.”.
How to Defend Yourself: Keep an event journal-record the conversations and how it makes you feel. The written record will help in developing trust in one’s own experiences. Spend more time with those friends or family that would give more positive and differing views. If the gaslighting doesn’t stop, professional help should be resorted to afterward. Consequences can be quite serious for one’s mental health.
2. Constant Criticism
Manipulators will mostly use backhanded criticism disguised as “constructive criticism” designed to get you questioning your own abilities. Or they may criticize the way of your appearance or manner of doing things or your personality in some demeaning manner.
How to spot it: Constructive criticism, done seldom or never, is actually supposed to help someone grow, not tear it down. When every single time your partner points out something and you leave feeling worthless or with more anxiety-that’s a red flag. Example: “I was just trying to help you be better, and then v hurts you.
How to Defend Yourself: Establish personal boundaries regarding how others are interacting with you. Let your partner know that the constant criticism will simply not be put up with. Spend more time focusing on the positive side of your life, and stay around people who truly appreciate you.
3. Love Bombing
Love bombing is a way of smothering you with an overdose of attention, gifts, and affection at the very beginning to keep you in trust and devotion. Extreme adoration can well result in being controlling.
How to know it: A person who has just started seeing you comes out with overwhelming gestures, promises, and professions of love that almost sound too good to believe-well, that’s love bombing. Many people who do that turn cold or withdrawn when they feel in control.
How to Protect Yourself: The speed of any new relationship is yours alone, and beware of a person who would rush you into intimacy or commitment. Pay attention to what happens when you attempt to set boundaries or need some time for yourself. That’s when healthy relationships develop and respect goes both ways.
4. Isolation
They may attempt to separate you from friends, family, and things you enjoy. In that sense, isolation increases the effects of control because your abusive partner is the only one you go to for reassurance and emotional validation.
How to Identify: Does not want you to spend time with them; critical about your friends; gets upset when pursuing your interests.
How to Protect Yourself: Develop your friendships; work on your family relationships; never let go of things that bring you joy. A good support system brings perspective and an exit when things start to get toxic.
5. Playing the Victim
Manipulators can always play the victim in every situation. This is done to avoid responsibility and garner sympathy for oneself. This can also be used to distort reality and make a person feel at fault or responsible for their problems.
How to Recognize It: If your partner always plays the victim and blames others for his problems, or makes you responsible for his feelings and actions, then he could well be pulling the poor victim ploy. “I wouldn’t do this if you didn’t.” -this is a typical statement when this tactic is applied.
How to Defend Yourself: Remember that everyone is responsible for his or her actions and feelings. Clearly define what behavior you will and will not put up with. Do not take guilt for that which is beyond your control.
6. Emotional Blackmail
Emotional blackmail is a manipulative way of getting someone, by threat, obligation, or guilt, to get one’s way in controlling the behavior of the victim. Manipulators threaten abandonment, injury, or withhold affection just so that you may give in to their demands.
How to Catch It: Listen for phrases such as, “If you really loved me, you would,” or “I’ll be so hurt if you don’t do this.” These are phrases dreamed up in order to make one feel guilty and give into their wishes.
How to Defend Yourself: This means establishment of boundaries and reminding oneself that one is not responsible for the other’s feelings or their choice of actions. If there are threats of self-harm, remind them to seek professional help. Do not give in to such threats just to bully one into doing something with which they are not comfortable.
7. Silent Treatment
The silent treatment basically involves the aspect of complete communication absence on the part of the manipulator with the intention of setting feelings of isolation, confusion, or anxiety in a person.
How to Recognize It: Where one’s partner simply stops talking and becomes unreachable in some form of punishment against them, or as a means of having one’s way, that is manipulation. They will not talk until one gives in with an apology or gives in to their demands.
How to Defend Yourself: You can also reply by telling them you are more than willing to talk things over with them the very second they decide to speak respectfully. Never plead to break the silence and never compromise your needs in hopes it will end the silent treatment. Your self-respect should be intact because you know it takes two to communicate effectively.
8. Extreme Jealousy and Possessiveness
While a little jealousy in any given relationship can be considered normal, once those feelings turn to extremes and eventually into controlling behavior, that is a huge red flag. Manipulators may show up as monitoring activities, accusing you of cheating, or in constant updates from you regarding where you will be.
How to recognize it: If he suspects you of cheating on him all the time, if he gets angry due to your simply talking with other people, or if he asks for access to your private things, then it is already jealousy manipulation.
How to Defend Yourself: Explain what you will and will not tolerate as far as privacy and autonomy go. Let him/her know that trust is the bare minimum in a healthy relationship, and he/she should not expect much patience with less than that. If he continues in this manner-possessive-perhaps now is the time to ask whether this relationship will work out for you.
9. Triangulation
Triangulation is a manipulative behavior used in bringing the presence of another person into a relational dynamic to create jealousy, competitiveness, or insecurity. They may provide that feeling of comparison with others, or they might insinuate that another person is interested in them.
How to know: when your partner keeps bringing into the discussion how others find them attractive or constantly compare you against their ex, flirting with others in front of you, just to keep you jealous; triangulation is a means through which they will manipulate you.
How Not to Get Fooled: Never play competitive or insecure games. Describe your feelings, but firm, never aggressive. If your partner continues this manipulative game with your mind, then he is interested in control, not connection.
Conclusion
Romantic manipulation may have an awfully strong and negative effect on the self-esteem and psyche of a person. Evidently, the first step to being in a better place from which to defend oneself would include coming into awareness about these manipulative behaviors. A loving respectful relationship exists based on mutual trust, communication, and support, not based on control and manipulation. Any one of these ringing true about one’s present relationship-getting support through trusted friends, family members, or even a professional counselor from time to time-can provide some sense of direction regarding what steps one feels they should make next.